Life was a struggle!
I was working 60-80 hours per week, homeschooling our children, and barely getting enough sleep. Our marriage was rocky. I was low energy and overweight. We were constantly sick. Stomach bugs, snotty noses, misery. Our son got croup every six months that was so bad his throat would close up and he wouldn't be able to get enough air OUT of his lungs, which could quickly lead to suffocation. I slept with him because I was so afraid that he would wake up, unable to breathe and I wouldn't hear him.
Money was tight. We were so broke we couldn't pay for gas to get to the park. Beans and rice. Rice and beans. Stress, stress, stress!
Then, everything came to a screeching halt!...
I open my eyes and the room is floating, fuzzy. I take a breath. My lungs fill halfway and stop. Another breath. "Doctor Wright's office." "Hi, do you have an opening today?" "No ma'am, we're full, but we can schedule you for next week." Breathe, breathe, sob... "I really need an appointment." "Okay, come right in. We'll fit you in."
I carry my sleeping children to the car. Breathe, breathe, stay alive. "Deanna, can I bring the kids over? I need to go to the doctor." "Sure, come on over."
Breathe... open the door at the doctor's office, walk to the reception desk. It's all slow motion. The patient's in the waiting room glance up, raise their eyebrows and draw away. The receptionist hears my approach. "Go ahead and sign in... " as she looks up. She reacts quickly and ushers me in. I pass by a reflective container on the wall and see my pale face, dark, sunken, blood shot eyes... breathe... Quick vitals and I find myself in a room I didn't know exists. IV, scuttling nurses, and Dr. Wright comes in. "Well, what have you gotten yourself into now? You look awful. 104 degree fever, severely dehydrated, and... I think you have double pneumonia. Can your husband come to pick you up? We can't allow you to drive home. I'm ordering labs and here's a giant shot of antibiotics for your back side..."
I had hit bottom. My worried husband was allowed to bring me home with a warning to make sure I continued breathing. I looked over at my children sitting opposite from me. They sat side by side. Their huge, glassy eyes said, "mommy's gonna die."
NO! I would never see that look in their eyes again!
That's when our lives changed.
Do you ever find yourself caught in a cycle of never-ending chaos?
Does your health rank lowest in your priorities because you use up all of your energy taking care of others?
You're not alone.
Out of fierce determination to live, I found solutions and I'm here to help lead others to be able to live life better than they ever believed, to dream again and to achieve those dreams. It's time to step out of the hopeless cycle of chaos and start experiencing a vibrant life.
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